Jul

A relationship in which you work hard to make it happen!

Filed Under divorce

Divorce can happend in two distinct ways. One is the legal divorce, and the other one is the emotional divorce. We get the two mixed up. We think we’re going to stop the emotional divorce by stopping the legal divorce. The more you try to stop the legal side of divorce, the more rebellious he or she feels. The more you use pressure, the less they see your inner beauty and your charm.

Everybody thinks, professionals and non-professionals alike, they say to have a happy marriage or a happy relationship, you have to work at it. What is not working is in fact the hard work in order to make it work.

By critising your partner you are working to change them not improve them. When you argue, you’re working at improving them. When you try to reason with them. When you tell them how much you love them. Both when you’re reasoning and when you’re telling them how much you love them, you are trying to change them. You are working at changing them. The problem is that its that working to change them.

Proof? You want proof? Stop all of that, and watch the relationship get better. Stop all of that working. Allow and accept, one hundred percent, whatever your mate thinks, feels, or does is perfectly okay. It’s perfectly okay. And watch them improve themselves. Their negative feelings towards you will weaken rapidly, because their negative feeling needs something in you to fight with. And when you sincerely see what’s on their side, when you sincerely agree with them, and when you lovingly and sincerely go one hundred percent totally, instantly, and happily your mate’s way, when you do that there’s nothing for their negative feeling to build on.

You have put the white flag up. You’ve thrown your gun down. That forces them to do the same thing. They cannot shoot you when you have no gun. When you’re not defending yourself, they want to defend you. It’s not normal to not defend yourself, but it is healthy. Its not natural or normal to not defend yourself.

Now, the idea of defending yourself is a fantastic idea. It’s a great idea. It’s a healthy idea. We are pressuring them by telling the other person that they are wrong, they become more negative and more hostile. So we’re not really defending ourselves. We’re giving them a stick that they always hit us with. And our giving them a stick that they always hit us with is not defending ourselves. We call it defensive, because that’s what we think we’re doing. The way to defend yourself that works is to defend your mate or lover. Agree with them. Do not disagree at all. Its not in your favor so its a silly thing to try.

Dr. Bruce Ruston
save-ur-marriage.com

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