Jul

Five Strategies for Saving Your Marriage

Filed Under divorce

When your lover is wanting a seperation or is pulling away, and you dont want it, there is a clash of wills. There is tension. There is stress. We cannot get to the good feelings of your partner or lover. We cannot get to those good feelings as long as this war is going on, as long as you communicate to your partner that you want something different from what they want.

Now here are five elements, five ideas, five strategies that will work for you every time an its good divorce advice!

1. The common act of complaining, pressuring, criticizing and whining have gotto end as of today.

2. Agree with anything your spouse says or does. Agree with their negative feelings. You see, when your lover has a closed mind and is hell bent on divorcing you, they’re in love with their negative feelings. So they put their negative feelings in charge of the door to their mind. And when you try to reason with them, you’re telling them that their negative feelings are wrong. That causes their negative feelings to lock the door tighter. Agree with their negative feelings – whatever they are. “Yes, this relationship is hopeless.” “Yes, you will never be able to trust me. That’s exactly correct.” Always agree and sound sincere. Stop trying to defend yourself and keep quiet.

3. Fake indifference about sex or about romance, about possessiveness. Act like you don’t care about it, but be friendly. Be friendly, but indifferent about whether you live together or not, whether they think and feel the way you want them to or not is perfectly okay. So stop needing. Reality tells you over and over again that needing works against you, that the surest way to not get the loan from the bank is to desperately need it. But if you only prefer it but don’t need it, then they’ll probably say yes.

4. You just will not get your lover back unless you make them jealous by playing hard to get and even going to great lengths by dating others .

5. Do everything instantly and happily, one hundred percent your partner’s way

When a person is being rejected, they’re always coming on real strong with “I want you” and “I love you,” and “you’re the most important thing in the world to me.” Of course, they buy the reasoning the wife says, “You’ve neglected me” or something like that. There’s always a deficit. “You don’t love me enough,” so on and so forth. Whereas, the real truth as why she is moving away is the theory opposite of that. He’s loved her too much.

Now, this does not mean no contact. If you’re separated, you can call and say hi, do small talk and happy talk. Small talk. Happy talk. Serious talk hurts the relationship most of the time. Small talk, happy talk, friendly talk. Make it brief. You can call. They will not feel pressured if you do that kind of talk or stick to practical things. “When do you want me to pick the kids up?” Or, “Do you want me to bring the check by or do you want me to mail it?” These strategies work immediately to reduce the feeling that there is a clash of wills.

Your spouses negative attitudes towards you are being supported by you communicating what you want. Every time you say to them , “But, I love you,” you are saying, “but I want something different than what you want. You want to pull away, but I want you to come closer. I don’t really care what you want. It’s what I want that’s important.”

Lots of times men, in an attempt to save a marriage tell their wives, “I’ve changed. I’ve changed. Let’s get back together. I’ve changed.” I tell the husbands that “Every time you say, ‘I’ve changed,’ you’re communicating to her that you have not changed.” “Really? Why is that? How is that? don’t understand that.”

“Of course, you don’t understand. But what’s your motivation? Why are you telling him or her how you’ve changed? What’s your purpose? Isn’t it to get your way?” “Yeah, I want her back.” “That’s your way. It’s not her way, right now. She said she may consider it later, maybe, but not right now. And every time you say, ‘I’ve changed,’ you’re saying, ‘Give me my way! Give me my way! Give me my way! What I want is more important than what you want. I don’t give a hoot what you want.” And subconsciously, she says, “He hasn’t changed. He’s still the neurotic, selfish, pressuring guy he always was. There’s no way I’m going to go back to him, or feel positive to him as long as he is this way.”

Always agree. If she says, “You’re controlling,” say “you are right. I still am controlling. Thank you for pointing that out.” Immediately, she feels you’re not controlling. A wife never says that a man is controlling when he is agreeing with her. She always says he’s controlling when he’s disagreeing with her. It’s so simple and so powerful, and goes against the feelings. But it always works.

Always agree with your partner, quickly. Why? Because it saves your nerves. Saves your pride. Saves your energy. And you end up getting your way, much more than arguing or rebelling or disagreeing or pressuring. If you want to win somebody back, the worst thing you can do is disagree with them.

Dr. Bruce Ruston
save-ur-marriage.com

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