Jul

A relationship in which you work hard to make it happen!

Filed Under divorce

Now there are two kinds of divorce that happen, sort of at the same time. One is the legal divorce, and the other one is the emotional divorce. We get the two mixed up. We think we’re going to stop the emotional divorce by stopping the legal divorce. The more you try to stop divorce with legal, the more rebellious he or she feels. Stop applying pressure and watch your partner see your inner charm.

Everybody thinks, professionals and non-professionals alike, they say to have a happy marriage or a happy relationship, you have to work at it. But I say that it’s the working that makes it not work.

When you complain to your lover, you’re working at improving him or her. When you argue, you’re working at improving them. When you try to reason with them. When you tell them how much you love them. Both when you’re reasoning and when you’re telling them how much you love them, you are trying to change them. You are working at changing them. And it’s that working at changing them, that is the only problem.

Proof? You want proof? Stop all of that, and watch the relationship get better. Stop all of that working. Allow and accept, one hundred percent, whatever your mate thinks, feels, or does is perfectly okay. It’s perfectly okay. And watch them improve themselves. Their negative feelings towards you will weaken rapidly, because their negative feeling needs something in you to fight with. And when you sincerely see what’s on their side, when you sincerely agree with them, and when you lovingly and sincerely go one hundred percent totally, instantly, and happily your mate’s way, when you do that there’s nothing for their negative feeling to build on.

You have put the white flag up. You’ve thrown your gun down. That forces them to do the same thing. They cannot shoot you when you have no gun. When you’re not defending yourself, they want to defend you. It’s not normal to not defend yourself, but it is healthy. Not defending yourself is not normal, its not natural.

Now, the idea of defending yourself is a fantastic idea. It’s a great idea. It’s a healthy idea. We are pressuring them by telling the other person that they are wrong, they become more negative and more hostile. So we’re not really defending ourselves. We’re giving them a stick that they always hit us with. And our giving them a stick that they always hit us with is not defending ourselves. We call it defensive, because that’s what we think we’re doing. The way to defend yourself that works is to defend your mate or lover. Agree with them. Do not disagree at all. Its a silly thing to do becasue its not to your advantage.

Dr. Bruce Ruston
save-ur-marriage.com

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