Jun

How To Save A Marriage In Therapy

Filed Under divorce

Does going to therapy or couples counseling really help solve all the issues that are tearing apart a relationship? This is the question most people are pondering as they grow desperate to save a marriage they really are not ready to let go of. The big question is whether talk sessions with someone else can really work for two people in crisis.

Before you go into a counseling session with your spouse, both of you need to understand that it is not the definite cure to all of your problems. You cannot hire someone else to do the dirty work and make things all better, no matter how skilled they may be.

Yet, counseling or therapy can really work if both of you go into it with the right mindset. The problem is that most go into it with the attitude that this third party will see that they are right and their spouse is wrong. They want validation, not objectivity.

This is not what a therapist is there to do. They are not going to take sides, mainly because there is no one person who is right in a marriage. Problems are a collective mess and both people have some things they are doing wrong and some things they are doing completely right.

What a therapist does is get you to ultimately open up to one another so that the root issues standing in the way of happiness can be discovered. Believe it or not, the real issues are not who forgets to take out the trash or who forgot someone’s birthday.

If you don’t fix the deeper issues the marriage will only continue to unravel.

Couples who go into therapy knowing that finger pointing is useless and they both have their own flaws have a higher chance of success. Both people have to be willing to put their own defensiveness aside and just listen to one another.

For example, instead of getting defensive that she says she feels lonely and screaming that you have to work so it’s not your fault; just listen. Don’t translate it to mean anything about you. She is lonely. That is all.

In order to save a marriage with the help of therapy, this husband would have to be willing to quietly listen to his wife talk about the loneliness without automatically assuming it is directed as an assault on him. He has to listen selflessly for it to work.

Read more about this topic here: Save A Marriage or Learn How To Save A Marriage

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