May

Surviving Separation

Filed Under divorce

A separation always has the same result, even though the cause can vary widely. Regardless of reason why you are separated (business travels, military service, or marital problems), the feelings of loneliness and isolation can be very trying. The challenge becomes immense when the marriage is in trouble and the partners are unsure whether to reconcile or divorce. Fortunately, there are steps that you can take in coping with marriage separation that will make the time apart a little easier to bear.

Social Needs

If your spouse has been the number one social partner in your life, you will need to find a new way to meet your social needs while coping with marriage separation. Your friends are a critical connection to the outside world, particularly if you spend much of your time at home caring for your children. It is perfectly acceptable to leave the kids with Grandma or a babysitter for a couple of hours one afternoon so you can spend some time with a good friend. Take advantage of this opportunity to talk about how you are coping with separation and to find support for your challenges.

Getting Perspective

For some couples, coping with marriage separation means allowing yourselves time to sit back and evaluate the relationship from a new perspective. Divorce does not always follow separation; often times is simply provides the couple with the space they need to work through hurt feelings so that they can come back together. It can be difficult to mend a broken relationship when close proximity allows you to continue to tear each other down. If your separation is meant for the purpose of working through marital problems, use the time wisely for self reflection and thinking through the reasons you got married in the first place.

Helping the Children

When one spouse is suddenly out of the picture most of the time, children can also have a hard time coping with marriage separation. You must communicate with your children about your separation. Continue to spend time with your children, and reassure them that bnoth of their parents retain their full love for them. Children often begin to worry that if spouses leave each other, they might also abandon the kids. Talk to your children about their fears, and never stop reassuring them of your constant presence in their lives.

When couples are living apart, the challenges of the separation can be overwhelming at times. If you seek support from your friends and spend some time looking for a new perspective, this can help you cope with the separation. Don't forget that your children are also coping with marriage separation in their own way and help them in whatever way you can. If you follow this advice, you can ease the stress of the separation and can clear the way for a positive outcome in the end.

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