surviving divorce guide
 

"surviving Divorce
By Karl Augustine, Fri Dec 9th

Surviving can be a valid fear if you're contemplatinggetting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, youshould first understand that your decision shouldn't betaken lightly. Ensuring that you'll be surviving can becomforting and can influence your path as you consider yourreasons for and take the emotional plunge into actuallygoing through with it.

Its tough enough to think about how your immediate life will beimpacted by getting a let alone thinking about divorcefrom an aspect of "the aftermath" of divorce. You may beconsidering a variety of things in the short term includingliving arrangements, spouse's schedules, attorneys, kids,property, etc. Its tough to plan so you can really ensure thatyou'll be surviving once its finally over with.

Surviving divorce, just like deciding to divorce, is aboutseparating emotion from logic and making sure you think aboutthe past, present and future. Of course, how you plan forsurviving divorce, will differ from others in some respects, butthere are some common themes to think about that should ensureyou will be successful surviving divorce.


The most common things to think about when you want to besuccessful surviving are self-evident and basic, buthighly important:

Surviving Concept 1: Reflect on the past to make sureyou can eliminate potential regret.

Make sure that you take the time to reflect on the past andremember the reasons that got you to this state of mind. Onething you absolutely must avoid is going through a andregretting your decision. Evaluate, in detail, your reasons fordivorce and confirm to yourself yet again that is thebest course of action. This will help eliminate regret...andregret can be a large factor in determining your chance ofsurviving divorce.

Surviving Concept 2: Admit to yourself that, no matterhow your situation got to this breaking point of wantingdivorce, that you had a hand in it, and plan to improve yourself.

Even if you know your present spouse is not a good fit for you,be smart enough to know that you shouldn't waste the opportunitythat you have right now to improve yourself, for your own goodin the future. At a time like this when emotions are runninghigh, there tends to be a lot of soul searching going on, andthat's a good thing if you want to ensure that you've got asolid chance of surviving divorce. Realize that you need toimprove for you, this will only help you in the future.Remember, it takes two to tango!

Surviving Concept 3: Remember that your happiness andplan for surviving should include evaluating andestablishing a certain level of self-confidence. Having selfconfidence is absolutely critical to surviving becausewithout it, fear usually will win out and your situation willnot improve. Even if you get divorced but you don't evaluateyour own level of self confidence in the hopes of improving it,you may be in for a rough time after divorce. If you want asure-fire way to feel good about surviving divorce, do yourselfa favor and get your self-confidence in line.

If your overall confidence and desire to start over with yourlove life support making a change, you're off to a good start inmaking a smart decision about whether to or not.

Surviving Concept 4: Get your finances in a row andunderstand

Comparing No-Fault Divorce Law and Contract Law
<p>I recently found myself debating a group of younger folks about the merits and negative aspects of <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/i/nofault_fault_2.htm">no-fault divorce law</a>. We were comparing the differences between today's <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/statedivorcelaw1/State_Divorce_Laws.htm">divorce laws</a> and <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://biztaxlaw.about.com/od/resolvingbusinessdisputes/a/bizcontracts.htm">contract law</a>. I was the only debate participant who had been married and through the divorce process.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/27/comparing-no-fault-divorce-law-and-contract-law.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
What is a Prenuptial Agreement?
<p>A <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://beginnersinvest.about.com/od/investing101/ss/womeninvesting_6.htm">prenuptial agreement</a> is a legally bind contract created by two people before they marry. In the prenuptial agreement the couple addresses such issues as the property bought into the marriage by each person and what the property rights of each will be should they divorce.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/26/what-is-a-prenuptial-agreement.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Mel Gibson: Love, Misery and Midlife Crisis
<p>We've learned a lot about Mel Gibson over the last week. It would seem he's a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, and an anti-Semite with quite the oral fixation. From where I sit it would seem that Mel is also on the down-side of one hell of a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/midlifecrisis.htm">Midlife Crisis</a>.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/18/mel-gibson-love-misery-and-midlife-crisis.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
The Blended Family: Who Will Be Responsible For Discipline?
<p>As parents in a blended family the most important issue you will face is how your children will be disciplined. <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/tp/discipline.htm"> Child discipline</a> in the blended family is something you should discuss and set rules about before marrying.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/15/the-blended-family-who-will-be-responsible-for-discipline.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Building Stong Bonds In The Blended Family
<p>The new blended family faces many challenges in the beginning. Blending two families and building strong familial bonds requires a lot of effort on the part of all involved. In the beginning, the family members have no shared family history or shared ways of doing things. This can be especially hard for children who are trying to adjust to a new stepmother and stepbrothers or sisters.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/14/building-stong-bonds-in-the-blended-family.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
How to Keep the Wicked out of Stepparenting
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Why do 66% of Second Marriages Fail?
<p>According to the Academy of Matrimonial Attorneys at least 66% of second marriages fail. The reasons? People don't deal with and heal personal issues that played a role in the demise of their first marriage before remarrying. And, the pressure of raising stepchildren causes more conflict than the marriage can handle.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/12/why-do-66-of-second-marriages-fail.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Post Divorce Sex: Don't Forget to Play it Safe!
<p>So you're planning to go out on a date- how exciting! Whether it's with someone new or someone you've already seen a few times, your adrenaline is probably pumping; <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/ht/datingadvice.htm"> dating and sex after divorce</a> can nerve-wracking!</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/09/post-divorce-sex-dont-forget-to-play-it-safe.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Casual Sex: Tempting or Taboo?
<p>Let's cut to the chase: all of us divorced adults have had sex and most of us still want sex. The problem is that we may not want the 'strings' of a full-on relationship; we just aren't ready. And, as much as <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://sexuality.about.com/od/masturbation/p/masturbation.htm">masturbation</a> gives our bodies something to 'snack on,' we know what we really want is the Full-Meal Deal.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/08/casual-sex-tempting-or-taboo.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Transitional Relationships: Will You Rebound?
<div><p>A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/f/newrelationship.htm">relationship</a> before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a "rebound relationship."</p></div>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&#038;zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/07/transitional-relationships-will-you-rebound.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>

that your life will change most likely from amonetary perspective. This is a major portion of the survivingdivorce equation, especially for women in divorce. A lot oftime, women in situations have to deal with financeissues and they fear going out on their own because they've hadfinancial support previously. Still, this concept is not genderspecific and can resonate with anyone because, one some level,your life will change financially as a result ofdivorce...that's a guarantee.

In order to make sure your chance at surviving is high,you need to be willing to trade potential financial loss to geta divorce. If you're ready to do this, maybe you're ready toreally take the big step.

Surviving Concept 5: Understand the true value of using"projection" to ensure surviving divorce. This is a terrificexercise to go through when you're faced with a decisionand want to ensure you've got a great chance of survivingdivorce. "Projection" simply means looking to the future andactually imagining what your life will be like once you'redivorced. And, if you're smart, you'll see multiple scenarios ofwhat your life will become after and you'll be able topin down which factors lead to each one of those scenarios.Then, choose the scenario you'd like to actually live, and takethe necessary steps needed to implement those factors. This oneof the most important practices to ensure that you're chances ofsurviving are high.

Surviving is a difficult thing but it can easily beaccomplished if you plan, reflect, think, and execute based onyour own goals and needs.


About the author:Author of "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get ADivorce", the eBook recommended by counselors to thier clients.Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide!

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