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Example 1 - A Good Divorce
By James Walsh
They imagine two families pitted against each other and helpless, faultless children caught in a tug-of-war between their feuding parents. Indeed, neuropsychologists and linguists have conducted research that demonstrates that just as candy floss and ice cream are words that are universally regarded as positive, ‘divorce’ is a word with overwhelmingly negative connotations. They hypothesise that this is because candy floss and ice cream are words that relate to experiences that are almost never negative; those that consume them report their positive experiences to others, in whom the association between those two foods and a positive experience is then reinforced. In the same vein, those that undergo a particularly conflict-ridden and acrimonious generally relate their experiences to all and sundry, thereby perpetuating the negative connotation attached to the term.
However, not all divorces are unpleasant experiences. For several couples, the process is a hassle-free, mutually conducted, albeit necessary endeavour that leaves both parties to the relationship happier. Sceptical? Read the following case studies about couples that experienced ‘good divorces’ before passing judgement on whether a ‘good divorce’ is even possible.
Karen and John were married at the ages of seventeen and twenty, respectively, after their teenage romance resulted in Karen’s becoming pregnant. Their Christian upbringing precluded terminating the pregnancy, and also required them to wed before bringing a child into the world. Karen gave birth to a healthy baby girl, John found gainful employment as a mechanic at the local garage, and they seemed to epitomise a content, middle-class couple.
Matters took a bit of a turn for the worse when John was laid off from his job for no fault of his own; the chain of garages he worked for was acquired by a competitor and they decided to make fifty percent of the staff at his workplace redundant. He sank into a melancholy state, and Karen noticed that he became more moody, started drinking more and seemed unwilling to look for another job. She tried to refer him to a counsellor (they couldn’t afford a psychiatrist as their health insurance lapsed one month after John’s being let go), but he flew into an inexplicable rage every time she mentioned the idea. They soon began to live off their savings, and John’s behaviour began to become increasingly erratic.
Karen later recalled that the ‘tipping point’ for her was when John returned from the pub one evening, clearly inebriated, and proceeded to lose his temper on the front lawn, in full view of the neighbours and, embarrassingly, her parents, who lived across the street. He used some exceedingly abusive language directed toward her, blamed her for all his troubles and even threatened to use violent force against her if she did not do as he asked. Fearing for her life, she took her infant daughter and sought refuge in her parents’ house. After repeated entreaties to John to seek professional help for his obvious alcohol dependency and anger management problems failed, Karen filed for divorce.
Two months later, she was a changed woman. She later realised that the stress of dealing with John’s erratic and unstable behaviour had not only resulted in her ageing prematurely but also impaired her ability to care for her daughter. The was granted, and Karen found that with her parents’ help, she now had enough spare time to return to university and work towards her degree. She found that she was happier than she had been in years. As for John, he finally sought the counselling
Comparing No-Fault Divorce Law and Contract Law
<p>I recently found myself debating a group of younger folks about the merits and negative aspects of <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/i/nofault_fault_2.htm">no-fault divorce law</a>. We were comparing the differences between today's <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/statedivorcelaw1/State_Divorce_Laws.htm">divorce laws</a> and <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://biztaxlaw.about.com/od/resolvingbusinessdisputes/a/bizcontracts.htm">contract law</a>. I was the only debate participant who had been married and through the divorce process.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/27/comparing-no-fault-divorce-law-and-contract-law.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
What is a Prenuptial Agreement?
<p>A <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://beginnersinvest.about.com/od/investing101/ss/womeninvesting_6.htm">prenuptial agreement</a> is a legally bind contract created by two people before they marry. In the prenuptial agreement the couple addresses such issues as the property bought into the marriage by each person and what the property rights of each will be should they divorce.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/26/what-is-a-prenuptial-agreement.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Mel Gibson: Love, Misery and Midlife Crisis
<p>We've learned a lot about Mel Gibson over the last week. It would seem he's a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, and an anti-Semite with quite the oral fixation. From where I sit it would seem that Mel is also on the down-side of one hell of a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/midlifecrisis.htm">Midlife Crisis</a>.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/18/mel-gibson-love-misery-and-midlife-crisis.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
The Blended Family: Who Will Be Responsible For Discipline?
<p>As parents in a blended family the most important issue you will face is how your children will be disciplined. <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/tp/discipline.htm"> Child discipline</a> in the blended family is something you should discuss and set rules about before marrying.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/15/the-blended-family-who-will-be-responsible-for-discipline.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Building Stong Bonds In The Blended Family
<p>The new blended family faces many challenges in the beginning. Blending two families and building strong familial bonds requires a lot of effort on the part of all involved. In the beginning, the family members have no shared family history or shared ways of doing things. This can be especially hard for children who are trying to adjust to a new stepmother and stepbrothers or sisters.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/14/building-stong-bonds-in-the-blended-family.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
How to Keep the Wicked out of Stepparenting
<p>If you <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://marriage.about.com/cs/secondtimearound/qt/remarriagetips.htm">remarry</a> someone with children, you of course want the transition into the new relationship and marriage to be easy. Below are a few tips to help you transition into a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://workingmoms.about.com/od/nontraditionalfamilies/p/stepfatherfacts.htm">blended family</a>. Read them and commit yourself to using them in your new blended family.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/13/how-to-keep-the-wicked-out-of-stepparenting.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Why do 66% of Second Marriages Fail?
<p>According to the Academy of Matrimonial Attorneys at least 66% of second marriages fail. The reasons? People don't deal with and heal personal issues that played a role in the demise of their first marriage before remarrying. And, the pressure of raising stepchildren causes more conflict than the marriage can handle.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/12/why-do-66-of-second-marriages-fail.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Post Divorce Sex: Don't Forget to Play it Safe!
<p>So you're planning to go out on a date- how exciting! Whether it's with someone new or someone you've already seen a few times, your adrenaline is probably pumping; <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/ht/datingadvice.htm"> dating and sex after divorce</a> can nerve-wracking!</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/09/post-divorce-sex-dont-forget-to-play-it-safe.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Casual Sex: Tempting or Taboo?
<p>Let's cut to the chase: all of us divorced adults have had sex and most of us still want sex. The problem is that we may not want the 'strings' of a full-on relationship; we just aren't ready. And, as much as <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://sexuality.about.com/od/masturbation/p/masturbation.htm">masturbation</a> gives our bodies something to 'snack on,' we know what we really want is the Full-Meal Deal.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/08/casual-sex-tempting-or-taboo.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Transitional Relationships: Will You Rebound?
<div><p>A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/f/newrelationship.htm">relationship</a> before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a "rebound relationship."</p></div>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/07/transitional-relationships-will-you-rebound.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
and psychiatric help he so desperately needed. After taking medication for his low self-worth and mild depression, he enrolled in Alcoholics Anonymous and soon found another, higher-paying job. He later realised that he had been harbouring a lot of latent resentment towards his ex-wife; he subconsciously ‘blamed’ her for getting pregnant and his then having to rush into a marriage that he was clearly unprepared for. He had done his best to be a father, but was unable to deal with the first major hurdle that life placed in his path. He was granted visitation rights by the court, and is a regular guest at his ex-wife’s home. Both parties to the unequivocally agree that the was the ‘best’ thing that could have happened to them; it made them both happier and improved the quality of their lives.
Several other couples have also reported ‘good’ divorces. Those that had arranged marriages only to find later that they were fundamentally incompatible, one couple in which the man was forced to marry by his conservative family unwilling to accept his being homosexual and another case in which the couple found that they were unable to cohabit without fighting; they were, however, perfectly happy remaining friends after their and maintaining their intimate relationship.
Thus, it is clear that not all divorces are the messy, unpleasant, angst-ridden separations depicted in the media; many couples do, in fact, experience ‘good divorces’ and live far more fulfilling, happier lives as a result. Article Source: Article Beam - a service of A1 Web Server Web Hosting James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on getting a Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com
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