Deciding On Divorce ........
By Michael Sanford, Fri Dec 9th
Deciding on is a big decision. You should understandthat you aren't a bad person just because you think you want adivorce. Your spouse is not automatically a bad person becausehe/she may be causing you to feel this way (or so you maythink), you're just people, plain and simple. The Mindset You Need To Make This Difficult Decision You'rereading this for a reason...because you have been thinking aboutdivorce for one reason or another. Being in "limbo" is ahorrible feeling because you can't really get rooted if you arein limbo...all you know is that you aren't happy and don't knowwhat to do. You may feel stuck in a rut or feel like you are wanderingaimlessly. Whatever the case, not being certain of what willhappen can be tough to swallow and only contributes to yourbeing unhappy. Another reason that this is usually a tumultuousand arduous time for people who are in this stage of lifebecause it usually involves self reflection and a heightenedawareness that may never have been reached before in your life.
This can be most difficult and scary, but I assure you it ishealthy in the long run. When doing this "inward reflection",you may find out some things about yourself that you may notlike. You may recall some things you had forgotten. You mayrealize that this isn't all your fault or you may realize thatyou had a hand in leading yourself here too. Whatever happensfrom here on in, your mindset has to be conducive to beingbrutally honest to yourself. Since this can be a gut-wrenching time in your life, youabsolutely must realize that one serious danger you face ismaking the mistake of not being fully aware that people don'tmake clear decisions during heightened emotional times. You mustremember that emotion clouds judgment and bad decisions are madewhen the wrong side of your brain produces something by usingemotion rather than intellect. This cannot be stressedenough...when making any decision or thinking deeply about aconcept, make certain that you are logical and impartial to thebest of your ability. You must be comfortable with finding flawswithin yourself and realizing that those are flaws that youagree with. You must be ready to admit self guilt and selffault, or this won't work. If you are thinking about ending your marriage, or arecurrently in the process, the most important thing youneed to do is accept responsibility for the outcome of yourdivorce. Because a woman's standard of living generally drops atleast 30% after a divorce, the decisions that you make now canhave a considerable effect on your future. It is wise to establish a plan of action instead of going intoyour blindly. Begin by being well informed and organizedwith the Record Keeper, a comprehensive divorceconsiderations help guide. This resource will enable you to keeptrack and record everything about your from start tofinish in a easy to reference fashion. If it is inevitable that your marriage will end, utilize thefollowing considerations to protect yourself. Mostimportantly, if your spouse has initiated proceedings, do notsign anything until you are represented and informed by alawyer. Also, do not use the same lawyer that is representingyour spouse. Retain your own attorney to level the playing fieldand have fair representation. The actual
Ever Wonder How the "Other Woman" Feels?
<p>Dear Cathy,</p>
<p>I was truly offended by your article and description of the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/theothermanotherwoman/a/othemanotherwoman.htm">"Other Woman"</a> in a marital affair. The Other Woman, truth be told is a wonderful,loving lady. She is caught in a love triangle without knowing.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/09/02/ever-wonder-how-the-other-woman-feels.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Should a Child be Allowed to Choose Which Parent to Live With After Divorce?
<div><p><strong>Question:</strong></p>
<p>I have two children, my son is twelve and my daughter is six. My husband and I are divorcing and my son wants to live with his father. He told me that the reason he wants to live with his Dad is that he doesn't want him to be lonely.</p>
<p>What is your opinion on allowing a child to live where they want after a divorce? Should I be concerned about him being separated from his sister? Am I wrong to think that my son not wanting his Dad to be lonely isn't a good reason for living with his Dad? Will separating him and his sister have a bad effect on them? Should we consult a therapist before making a final decision?</p></div>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/09/02/should-a-child-be-allowed-to-choose-which-parent-to-live-with-after-divorce.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Can My Wife Take The Children If She Leaves?
<div><strong>Question: </strong>Can My Wife Take The Children If She Leaves?</div>
<div><p>My wife says she is leaving and taking our children. Can she legally take my children with her when she leaves?</p></div>
<p><strong>Answer: </strong></p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/09/01/can-my-wife-take-the-children-if-she-leaves.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Divorce Advice for Women
<p>From: <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/a/ThydenGrossBio.htm">James J. Gross</a></p>
<p>Once you decide you are going to get a divorce, there are eleven things you can do to get ready:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Start a War Chest:</strong>
<p>You are going to need your own money for a divorce. You will have to be able to maintain yourself and your children for a while if you are dependent on your spouse and your spouse decides to cut off support.</p>
<p>You will also probably need funds to hire a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceadvicepolls/a/adviceforwomen.htm">lawyer</a>. If there is anyway to start a separate account to guard against future financial contingencies, now is the time to do it. If you have to borrow money from a relative or friend, be sure to sign a promissory note so the court will look at this as a loan that you have to repay and not as a gift.</p></li>
<li><strong>Keep a Divorce Calendar:</strong>
<p>If you are currently using a desk calendar or day planner, you will now need to include your divorce events. There will be meetings with your lawyer and court deadlines to keep track of. It may be helpful to keep...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceadvicepolls/a/adviceforwomen.htm">post continued</a></p></li>
</ol>
Divorce Advice for Men
<p>From: <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/a/ThydenGrossBio.htm">James J. Gross</a></p>
<p>There are a lot of important actions that men can take to protect themselves in a divorce. Below are eleven things for you to consider regarding specific financial matters:</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/30/divorce-advice-for-men.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Can Spending Too Much Time Together Lead to Divorce?
<p>My ex had no outside interest. His life revolved around family and work. If he wasn't at work, every time I turned around I bumped into him. I encouraged him to take up<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://golf.about.com/od/beginners/a/faq_beginners.htm"> golf</a>, go our for drinks with his buddies...anything that would give him to opportunity to get away from work and <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://stress.about.com/od/familystress/qt/family.htm">family stress</a>. We spent too much time together which in the end played a role in the demise of our marriage.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/24/can-spending-too-much-time-together-lead-to-divorce.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Top 10 Causes of Marital Problems
<p>Below is a list of common sources of marital stress and conflict; consider how you are currently dealing with these issues, and how you could better deal with these issues:</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/23/top-10-causes-of-marital-problems.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Zsa Zsa Gabor: Nine Times Married, Eight Times Divorced
<p>To say that Zsa Zsa Gabor has experience with divorce is an understatement. She also had unique views (for her time) about how women should stand up for themselves in divorce and everyday life.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/17/zsa-zsa-gabor-nine-times-married-eight-times-divorced.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
New York Goes No-Fault
<p>Governor David Patterson signed a bill passing <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/i/nofault_fault.htm">no-fault divorce law</a> for the state of New York. The new bill will allow couples to divorce by mutual consent or unilaterally.</p>
<p>Governor Paterson said in a statement. "These bills fix a broken process that produced extended and contentious litigation, poisoned feelings between the parties and harmed the interests of those persons -- too often women -- who did not have sufficient financial wherewithal to protect their legal rights. I commend the sponsors on providing a real and effective legislative solution to a problem that has for too long bedeviled ordinary New Yorkers."</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/16/new-york-goes-no-fault.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
How to File For Divorce Without an Attorney
<p>To begin the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/yourlegalrights/a/pro_se.htm">Pro Se</a> or "do it yourself," divorce process a document called <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/%20od/thedivorceprocess/ss/divorceprocess_2.htm">Original Petition for Divorce</a> is filed with your local <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/%20od/thefamilycourtsystem/f/courtpersonnel.htm">court clerk</a> and legally begins the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/%20od/thedivorceprocess/ss/divorceprocess.htm">process of divorce</a>. In some states, this is referred to as a "Letter of Complaint." Both documents are requests that the court grant a divorce and list any relief the party filing for divorce feels they are due. The original petition or letter of complaint will identify the parties to the divorce and any children they may have.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/12/how-to-file-for-divorce-without-an-attorney.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
process is controlled by the participants.Many people do not realize that not all divorces must end incontested courtroom proceeding. Generally, once you have embarked on a contested divorceprocess, the types of proceedings from State to State aresimilar, but not identical. You should consult with a lawyer inyour State about the specific process. The length of your case may depend on the state and county thatyour case is filed in. It often depends on how crowded the courtdocket may be and often may take a year or more. If contested totrial. lawyers can provide sound legal advice and helpyou avoid costly mistakes when your marriage ends. The divorceprocess involves many legal technicalities that can affect yourwell being (as well as your children's) for many years to come.If you are considering a divorce, or if your spouse hasinitiated proceedings, the first thing that you need todo is consult a attorney who specializes in family law.Don't take any action that can affect your rights before seekinglegal counsel. To protect your best interest, don't use the samedivorce lawyer that your husband has retained. You can beginyour search for a lawyer by seeking referrals throughfriends and family, your state bar association, or searching fordivorce lawyers in the directories found on the internet. Lookfor lawyers who are willing to work with you and fight for yourrights. Once you have identified some potential lawyers, youneed to set up an interview to get information on how your casewill be handled and to see if there is good rapport between youand the lawyer.If you and your spouse can agree on how to divideyour property and settle issues related to your children, youmight consider an filing out your own forms. For more information on please visit the Divorce resource center. About the author:None |
