Coping With Divorce Anger
By Tracy Achen, Fri Dec 9th
Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healingafter your divorce. Right now you may feel a great deal of rageat your ex-husband. You might be thinking that if it weren’t forhim, your life wouldn’t be so messed up. These feelings areactually a necessary part of your healing. Acknowledging AngerWouldn’t you just love to tell him what a sorry human being heis? How he didn’t respect you and treated you like dirt. Well,do It! Take a piece of paper and write down everything that hedid wrong. Release all the anger that has been bottled up. Getit all off your chest. Tell him how he hurt your feelings andhow you suffered to make the marriage work. Don’t be surprisedif this letter goes on for pages, just get it all out. Now for the important part.......Do Not Give Him This Letter. Itwould only re-enforce the impact that he had on your life. Burnit or throw it away. Allow yourself to release that anger andresentment. It’s over and done with. You’ve acknowledged thehurt and are now ready to figure out what went wrong and moveon. Gaining Insight Gaining insight into why your marriage failedhelps you to move on to healthier relationships in the future.Start by thinking about what attracted you to him in the firstplace. Maybe he was handsome, strong, or wealthy. What benefitsdid you get from the marriage? Maybe it was security,companionship, or a sense of belonging. These are the thingsthat are important to your core being, and the difficulties inyour marriage probably stemmed from threats to these areas.
Perspective Knowing what part he played in the problems is easy,but you also need to recognize how you contributed. Owning up toresponsibility is probably the hardest part. Most women grew up with the image of the “White Knight” whorides in and takes charge. The princess falls in love and standsbehind her man. The only problem is that this fairy tale usuallydoesn’t have a happy ending because the power of choice isremoved. You are swept through life by circumstances
Comparing No-Fault Divorce Law and Contract Law
<p>I recently found myself debating a group of younger folks about the merits and negative aspects of <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/i/nofault_fault_2.htm">no-fault divorce law</a>. We were comparing the differences between today's <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/statedivorcelaw1/State_Divorce_Laws.htm">divorce laws</a> and <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://biztaxlaw.about.com/od/resolvingbusinessdisputes/a/bizcontracts.htm">contract law</a>. I was the only debate participant who had been married and through the divorce process.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/27/comparing-no-fault-divorce-law-and-contract-law.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
What is a Prenuptial Agreement?
<p>A <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://beginnersinvest.about.com/od/investing101/ss/womeninvesting_6.htm">prenuptial agreement</a> is a legally bind contract created by two people before they marry. In the prenuptial agreement the couple addresses such issues as the property bought into the marriage by each person and what the property rights of each will be should they divorce.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/26/what-is-a-prenuptial-agreement.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Mel Gibson: Love, Misery and Midlife Crisis
<p>We've learned a lot about Mel Gibson over the last week. It would seem he's a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, and an anti-Semite with quite the oral fixation. From where I sit it would seem that Mel is also on the down-side of one hell of a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/midlifecrisis.htm">Midlife Crisis</a>.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/18/mel-gibson-love-misery-and-midlife-crisis.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
The Blended Family: Who Will Be Responsible For Discipline?
<p>As parents in a blended family the most important issue you will face is how your children will be disciplined. <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/tp/discipline.htm"> Child discipline</a> in the blended family is something you should discuss and set rules about before marrying.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/15/the-blended-family-who-will-be-responsible-for-discipline.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Building Stong Bonds In The Blended Family
<p>The new blended family faces many challenges in the beginning. Blending two families and building strong familial bonds requires a lot of effort on the part of all involved. In the beginning, the family members have no shared family history or shared ways of doing things. This can be especially hard for children who are trying to adjust to a new stepmother and stepbrothers or sisters.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/14/building-stong-bonds-in-the-blended-family.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
How to Keep the Wicked out of Stepparenting
<p>If you <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://marriage.about.com/cs/secondtimearound/qt/remarriagetips.htm">remarry</a> someone with children, you of course want the transition into the new relationship and marriage to be easy. Below are a few tips to help you transition into a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://workingmoms.about.com/od/nontraditionalfamilies/p/stepfatherfacts.htm">blended family</a>. Read them and commit yourself to using them in your new blended family.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/13/how-to-keep-the-wicked-out-of-stepparenting.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Why do 66% of Second Marriages Fail?
<p>According to the Academy of Matrimonial Attorneys at least 66% of second marriages fail. The reasons? People don't deal with and heal personal issues that played a role in the demise of their first marriage before remarrying. And, the pressure of raising stepchildren causes more conflict than the marriage can handle.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/12/why-do-66-of-second-marriages-fail.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Post Divorce Sex: Don't Forget to Play it Safe!
<p>So you're planning to go out on a date- how exciting! Whether it's with someone new or someone you've already seen a few times, your adrenaline is probably pumping; <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/ht/datingadvice.htm"> dating and sex after divorce</a> can nerve-wracking!</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/09/post-divorce-sex-dont-forget-to-play-it-safe.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Casual Sex: Tempting or Taboo?
<p>Let's cut to the chase: all of us divorced adults have had sex and most of us still want sex. The problem is that we may not want the 'strings' of a full-on relationship; we just aren't ready. And, as much as <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://sexuality.about.com/od/masturbation/p/masturbation.htm">masturbation</a> gives our bodies something to 'snack on,' we know what we really want is the Full-Meal Deal.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/08/casual-sex-tempting-or-taboo.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Transitional Relationships: Will You Rebound?
<div><p>A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/f/newrelationship.htm">relationship</a> before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a "rebound relationship."</p></div>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/07/transitional-relationships-will-you-rebound.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
anddecisions of others. If you can own up to your participation in the marriage, youhave gained power. For example, by admitting that you stayed ina bad marriage for economic reasons, you therefore, can chooseto find a good paying job and leave. When your perspective isone of choice, you gain power and control over your life. Admitting that you put up with a bad situation out of choiceallows you now to make decisions to do things differently inyour new life. Once you accept responsibility for your life, becareful to not turn your anger inward. You did the best youcould in your given situation. It's in the past, and you nowhave the power to move forward. Release the hold that anger hasover helps you to regain control over your life again. You nolonger need to feel like a victim, and your self esteem willbegin to rise. About the author:Tracy Achen is the author of "DIVORCE 101: A Woman's Guide toDivorce", and publisher of a website to help women cope withdivorce. At WomansDivorce.com we have one focus – helping womensurvive their and rebuild their lives. For additionalarticles and information on divorce, visit the web site athttp://www.womansdivorce.com |
