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Divorce -- Before And After
By James Walsh
The reason for this anxiety is partly the fact that it is a choice made of our own free will and we sense the enormity of this relationship. The separation from spouse is not due to any reason like death, which can be blamed on fate. The separation though has the same finality.
Confusion and indecision make all of us uncomfortable. We just want this initial phase of uncertainty to be over so we can move on. At the same time, we realize that our choice will affect not only our partners, but our families and friends too. It will be a decision we must live with all our lives. It is important that we think the situation through and choose carefully.
If there seems to be no other way out, then make your decision. Even if it is your partner who has sought divorce, do not give in to weakness and fall apart. This is the time to be strong.
Once it is official that you are getting a divorce, step up and take control of your situation. Effectively manage your and transform yourself through this transition. But first things first. You have to take care of the business part right now and, in the coming months, there will be the time to take care of yourself. This is what needs to be done:
1.Be in-charge: The relationship has broken and your attitude and involvement can make sure that it goes smoothly. Make a commitment from the start to be ‘in-charge’ of your process and actively manage all components, regardless of your partner’s reactions or strategy.
2.Get Paperwork in Order: As soon as becomes a possibility, it is critical to make sure that you have copies of all important financial and legal documents from your marriage (credit card bills, bank statements, investment reports, deeds, loan papers etc.) Hire professionals if necessary to evaluate the assets. Document all important information regarding your marriage. This will make your initial meeting with an attorney smoother and more cost-effective.
3.Educate Yourself: Use internet, local legal associations, library or other divorcees to educate yourself about laws and process. There are multiple options of dissolving marriage -- know the pros and cons of each. Beef up your mental library and then meet an attorney.
4.Keep Emotions in Check: There is bound to be a great deal of anger, resentment, loneliness and fear associated with your divorce. Make sure you take time out to acknowledge those feelings. Consult a professional or take help from family but do not let them affect business part of your divorce.
5.Form a Team: After all the paperwork and theoretical knowledge, start building a team. Choose a reliable, experienced lawyer. Be prepared for every meeting and have a clear list of action items and deadlines. Make sure that you ask in advance for an estimate of total fees. Do not defer the responsibility of your to your lawyer. Always stay closely involved. Hire a counselor or mental health practitioner if required. A good team will help ensure a favourable judgment and also in dealing with the whole process with dignity.
Once the is through, let the emotional healing process begin. Nobody can take away the pain quickly. It is something that you have to live through. Let yourself grieve for what is lost. Accept as reality and let go off the past:
1.Believe in life after
Ever Wonder How the "Other Woman" Feels?
<p>Dear Cathy,</p>
<p>I was truly offended by your article and description of the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/theothermanotherwoman/a/othemanotherwoman.htm">"Other Woman"</a> in a marital affair. The Other Woman, truth be told is a wonderful,loving lady. She is caught in a love triangle without knowing.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/09/02/ever-wonder-how-the-other-woman-feels.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Should a Child be Allowed to Choose Which Parent to Live With After Divorce?
<div><p><strong>Question:</strong></p>
<p>I have two children, my son is twelve and my daughter is six. My husband and I are divorcing and my son wants to live with his father. He told me that the reason he wants to live with his Dad is that he doesn't want him to be lonely.</p>
<p>What is your opinion on allowing a child to live where they want after a divorce? Should I be concerned about him being separated from his sister? Am I wrong to think that my son not wanting his Dad to be lonely isn't a good reason for living with his Dad? Will separating him and his sister have a bad effect on them? Should we consult a therapist before making a final decision?</p></div>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/09/02/should-a-child-be-allowed-to-choose-which-parent-to-live-with-after-divorce.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Can My Wife Take The Children If She Leaves?
<div><strong>Question: </strong>Can My Wife Take The Children If She Leaves?</div>
<div><p>My wife says she is leaving and taking our children. Can she legally take my children with her when she leaves?</p></div>
<p><strong>Answer: </strong></p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/09/01/can-my-wife-take-the-children-if-she-leaves.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Divorce Advice for Women
<p>From: <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/a/ThydenGrossBio.htm">James J. Gross</a></p>
<p>Once you decide you are going to get a divorce, there are eleven things you can do to get ready:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Start a War Chest:</strong>
<p>You are going to need your own money for a divorce. You will have to be able to maintain yourself and your children for a while if you are dependent on your spouse and your spouse decides to cut off support.</p>
<p>You will also probably need funds to hire a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceadvicepolls/a/adviceforwomen.htm">lawyer</a>. If there is anyway to start a separate account to guard against future financial contingencies, now is the time to do it. If you have to borrow money from a relative or friend, be sure to sign a promissory note so the court will look at this as a loan that you have to repay and not as a gift.</p></li>
<li><strong>Keep a Divorce Calendar:</strong>
<p>If you are currently using a desk calendar or day planner, you will now need to include your divorce events. There will be meetings with your lawyer and court deadlines to keep track of. It may be helpful to keep...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceadvicepolls/a/adviceforwomen.htm">post continued</a></p></li>
</ol>
Divorce Advice for Men
<p>From: <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/a/ThydenGrossBio.htm">James J. Gross</a></p>
<p>There are a lot of important actions that men can take to protect themselves in a divorce. Below are eleven things for you to consider regarding specific financial matters:</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/30/divorce-advice-for-men.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Can Spending Too Much Time Together Lead to Divorce?
<p>My ex had no outside interest. His life revolved around family and work. If he wasn't at work, every time I turned around I bumped into him. I encouraged him to take up<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://golf.about.com/od/beginners/a/faq_beginners.htm"> golf</a>, go our for drinks with his buddies...anything that would give him to opportunity to get away from work and <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://stress.about.com/od/familystress/qt/family.htm">family stress</a>. We spent too much time together which in the end played a role in the demise of our marriage.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/24/can-spending-too-much-time-together-lead-to-divorce.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Top 10 Causes of Marital Problems
<p>Below is a list of common sources of marital stress and conflict; consider how you are currently dealing with these issues, and how you could better deal with these issues:</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/23/top-10-causes-of-marital-problems.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Zsa Zsa Gabor: Nine Times Married, Eight Times Divorced
<p>To say that Zsa Zsa Gabor has experience with divorce is an understatement. She also had unique views (for her time) about how women should stand up for themselves in divorce and everyday life.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/17/zsa-zsa-gabor-nine-times-married-eight-times-divorced.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
New York Goes No-Fault
<p>Governor David Patterson signed a bill passing <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/i/nofault_fault.htm">no-fault divorce law</a> for the state of New York. The new bill will allow couples to divorce by mutual consent or unilaterally.</p>
<p>Governor Paterson said in a statement. "These bills fix a broken process that produced extended and contentious litigation, poisoned feelings between the parties and harmed the interests of those persons -- too often women -- who did not have sufficient financial wherewithal to protect their legal rights. I commend the sponsors on providing a real and effective legislative solution to a problem that has for too long bedeviled ordinary New Yorkers."</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/16/new-york-goes-no-fault.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
How to File For Divorce Without an Attorney
<p>To begin the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/yourlegalrights/a/pro_se.htm">Pro Se</a> or "do it yourself," divorce process a document called <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/%20od/thedivorceprocess/ss/divorceprocess_2.htm">Original Petition for Divorce</a> is filed with your local <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/%20od/thefamilycourtsystem/f/courtpersonnel.htm">court clerk</a> and legally begins the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/%20od/thedivorceprocess/ss/divorceprocess.htm">process of divorce</a>. In some states, this is referred to as a "Letter of Complaint." Both documents are requests that the court grant a divorce and list any relief the party filing for divorce feels they are due. The original petition or letter of complaint will identify the parties to the divorce and any children they may have.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/08/12/how-to-file-for-divorce-without-an-attorney.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
marriage no matter how unbelievable it may sound.
2.Get out of denial. Face the grim reality of your marriage ending. Face it, accept it and move on.
3.Do not waste too much time grieving non-stop. Set new goals, make a new beginning and start off.
4.Ditch negativity by letting go feelings of anger, resentment and guilt. They affect your physical health, your outlook and people around you.
5.Start afresh by trying to learn the lessons from your past, analyse your feelings, confront your demons and rejoice in the fact that you are in control of your own destiny.
6.Present a good example to your children by being strong, staying happy, thinking positively and being in control.
7.Create a strong support group of family and friends.
8.Take control of your finances.
9.Take time out for yourself. It is important for your physical and emotional well-being. Article Source: http://www.ArticleJoe.com James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie www.quickie-divorce.com“>Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com
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