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Divorce -- Before And After
By James Walsh
The reason for this anxiety is partly the fact that it is a choice made of our own free will and we sense the enormity of this relationship. The separation from spouse is not due to any reason like death, which can be blamed on fate. The separation though has the same finality.
Confusion and indecision make all of us uncomfortable. We just want this initial phase of uncertainty to be over so we can move on. At the same time, we realize that our choice will affect not only our partners, but our families and friends too. It will be a decision we must live with all our lives. It is important that we think the situation through and choose carefully.
If there seems to be no other way out, then make your decision. Even if it is your partner who has sought divorce, do not give in to weakness and fall apart. This is the time to be strong.
Once it is official that you are getting a divorce, step up and take control of your situation. Effectively manage your and transform yourself through this transition. But first things first. You have to take care of the business part right now and, in the coming months, there will be the time to take care of yourself. This is what needs to be done:
1.Be in-charge: The relationship has broken and your attitude and involvement can make sure that it goes smoothly. Make a commitment from the start to be ‘in-charge’ of your process and actively manage all components, regardless of your partner’s reactions or strategy.
2.Get Paperwork in Order: As soon as becomes a possibility, it is critical to make sure that you have copies of all important financial and legal documents from your marriage (credit card bills, bank statements, investment reports, deeds, loan papers etc.) Hire professionals if necessary to evaluate the assets. Document all important information regarding your marriage. This will make your initial meeting with an attorney smoother and more cost-effective.
3.Educate Yourself: Use internet, local legal associations, library or other divorcees to educate yourself about laws and process. There are multiple options of dissolving marriage -- know the pros and cons of each. Beef up your mental library and then meet an attorney.
4.Keep Emotions in Check: There is bound to be a great deal of anger, resentment, loneliness and fear associated with your divorce. Make sure you take time out to acknowledge those feelings. Consult a professional or take help from family but do not let them affect business part of your divorce.
5.Form a Team: After all the paperwork and theoretical knowledge, start building a team. Choose a reliable, experienced lawyer. Be prepared for every meeting and have a clear list of action items and deadlines. Make sure that you ask in advance for an estimate of total fees. Do not defer the responsibility of your to your lawyer. Always stay closely involved. Hire a counselor or mental health practitioner if required. A good team will help ensure a favourable judgment and also in dealing with the whole process with dignity.
Once the is through, let the emotional healing process begin. Nobody can take away the pain quickly. It is something that you have to live through. Let yourself grieve for what is lost. Accept as reality and let go off the past:
1.Believe in life after
Flat Fee Divorce: Is This an Option You Should Consider?
<p>I don't encourage anyone to divorce. From my experience divorce doesn't solve problems, it only adds to the problems you already have.</p>
<p>In some cases a marriage is so far beyond repair, a few extra problems post divorce is no reason to stay. What do you do in today's economy where money is short and problems can seem overwhelming?</p>
<p>Find yourself a Flat Fee Attorney. Instead of <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/qt/divorcelawyershub.htm">hiring an attorney</a> who charges a retainer fee and high hourly rates, hire one who will take care of the divorce process, from beginning to end for one flat fee.</p>
<p><strong>When to Use a Flat Fee Attorney:</strong></p>
<p><strong> </strong></p>
<ul>
<li>When there is low conflict between spouses. And, nothing is better than decreasing conflict that saving money on a divorce. If your spouse seems unwilling to negotiate issues like<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childsupportresources/f/childsupport.htm"> child support</a> and the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/propertydistribution/ht/divagreement.htm">division of marital assets</a> suggesting a flat fee attorney may cause him/her to become more willing to negotiate.</li>
<li>Couples who want to spend less time in court and on the <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/thedivorceprocess/ss/divorceprocess.htm">divorce process</a> benefit by hiring their own, individual flat fee attorney. You can negotiate the legal issues have your attorneys make sure your legal rights are protected, draw up the paperwork, file it with the courts and you are done.</li>
</ul>
<p>If you are bent and determined to divorce but can't handle those high legal fees check out a local flat fee attorney and get on with solving all those problems you'll face post-divorce.</p><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/10/flat-fee-divorce-is-this-an-option-you-should-consider.htm">Flat Fee Divorce: Is This an Option You Should Consider?</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 at 17:35:59.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/10/flat-fee-divorce-is-this-an-option-you-should-consider.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/10/flat-fee-divorce-is-this-an-option-you-should-consider.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/10/flat-fee-divorce-is-this-an-option-you-should-consider.htm&zItl=Flat Fee Divorce: Is This an Option You Should Consider?">Email this</a></p>
Is Avoidant Personality Disorder a Defense Mechanism That Land You in Divorce Court?
<p>The person with <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/od/eatingdisorders/a/avoidant.htm">Avoidant Personality Disorder</a> is extremely sensitive to what others think about them. So sensitive that they suffer severe <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://panicdisorder.about.com/">anxiety </a>at the thought of saying or doing the wrong thing.</p>
<p>Most are people pleasers who bend over backwards to make others happy. The give and give and give until they have nothing left to give. In my experience, it is someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder who is more likely to experience a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/midlifecrisis.htm">Midlife Crisis</a>.</p>
<p>Below are the symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder and an example of each behavior.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Must Be Well Liked:</strong> This person does not become involved with others unless they know they are held in high esteem.
<p>An example, Jane is a fantastic cook. She takes <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://chinesefood.about.com/od/cookingschools/tp/cookingclass.htm">cooking classes</a> and delivers meals to people in need. The problem, if it doesn't have something to do with cooking Jane doesn't become involved. She only puts herself in a position to be around others who praise her and she knows, with her cooking she will always receive praise. Jane spends a lot of time alone...in her kitchen.</p></li>
<li><strong>Not Open to Intimate Relationships:</strong> This person <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/qt/intimacy_fear.htm">fears rejection</a> or ridicule by someone they've become romantically...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/a/avoidantpersonality.htm">post continued</a></li>
</ul><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/07/is-avoidant-personality-disorder-a-defense-mechanism-that-land-you-in-divorce-court.htm">Is Avoidant Personality Disorder a Defense Mechanism That Land You in Divorce Court?</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Sunday, March 7th, 2010 at 08:00:40.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/07/is-avoidant-personality-disorder-a-defense-mechanism-that-land-you-in-divorce-court.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/07/is-avoidant-personality-disorder-a-defense-mechanism-that-land-you-in-divorce-court.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/07/is-avoidant-personality-disorder-a-defense-mechanism-that-land-you-in-divorce-court.htm&zItl=Is Avoidant Personality Disorder a Defense Mechanism That Land You in Divorce Court?">Email this</a></p>
Buidling Trust Through Marital Communication
<p>Do you keep things from your spouse, not communicate for fear of being rejected or dismissed? You can't bond appropriately with your spouse if you are not willing to open up and allow them to know you, to get close to you and who you are. Trust comes from allowing your spouse to know you inside and out and your spouse reciprocating.</p>
<p>Communication is an important way to relieve stress and build a healthier bond between couples. If you don't feel comfortable <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=communicating with your spouse">communicating with your spouse</a> this could be a sign that you feel a lack of trust in your spouse. A marriage can't survive where there are issues of trust.</p>
<p>Few marriages avoid <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/u/family_issues.htm#s1">marital problems</a> that violate trust. If you are married, you will have marital problems. The key to working through and maintaining a healthy level of trust is...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/signsyourmarriageisover/qt/communication_trust.htm">post continued</a></p><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/05/buidling-trust-through-marital-communication.htm">Buidling Trust Through Marital Communication</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 16:12:20.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/05/buidling-trust-through-marital-communication.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/05/buidling-trust-through-marital-communication.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/05/buidling-trust-through-marital-communication.htm&zItl=Buidling Trust Through Marital Communication">Email this</a></p>
Setting Boundaries With The Midlife Crisis Spouse
<p>The concept of "boundaries," what they are and how to implement them can be confusing. I remember having a Home Economics teacher in High School who told the class that when you marry, you and your spouse become one.</p>
<p>Even at 17 years old I knew there was no way I could "become one" with another human being. That I had a sense of self and giving up that would be detrimental emotionally. Often in marriage the lines are skewed, one spouse's sense of self becomes entangled with that of their spouse.</p>
<p>It is easy to lose sight of what is oneself and what isn't oneself. In other words, couples tend to take on responsibilities for the other that are not theirs to take on. They become enmeshed emotionally and there are no boundaries that protect each from the other's hurtful behavior.</p>
<p><strong>Below Are A Few Suggestions For Setting Boundaries With Your Midlife Crisis Spouse:</strong></p>
<ul>
<li>Your spouse is an individual who takes responsibility for his/her own behaviors. Once you define what you are responsible for and what he/she is responsible for you no longer have to own anyone's behaviors but your own.</li>
<p>For example, if your midlife crisis spouse is drinking heavily and allowing it to interfere his/her ability to work it is not your responsibility to cover for him/her. When a spouse goes through a midlife crisis it is easy to enable their bad behavior by...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/qt/boundaries_midlifecrisis.htm">continue post</a></p></ul><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/01/setting-boundaries-with-the-midlife-crisis-spouse.htm">Setting Boundaries With The Midlife Crisis Spouse</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Monday, March 1st, 2010 at 22:22:33.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/01/setting-boundaries-with-the-midlife-crisis-spouse.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/01/setting-boundaries-with-the-midlife-crisis-spouse.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/03/01/setting-boundaries-with-the-midlife-crisis-spouse.htm&zItl=Setting Boundaries With The Midlife Crisis Spouse">Email this</a></p>
How to Survive Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis
<p>Some people manage to navigate a midlife crisis, learn from it and move on to a more rewarding life. Then there are those who turn into a person you don't know, take up with another man/woman and inflict enormous pain on their family.</p>
<p>Whether your spouse works through their midlife crisis without doing much harm or turns into a bull in a china shop and destroys everything, they will go through changes. Changes that will leave you confused and wondering what you can do to help yourself and your spouse and hopefully save your marriage.</p>
<p>This article is about helping yourself survive your spouse's midlife crisis. If it helps your spouse, great. If it saves your marriage, great. The only way you are going to be of any help to your spouse or possibly save your marriage is to learn how you can navigate their crisis without it costing you too much emotionally.</p>
<p><a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/a/protection_spouses_midlifecrisis.htm"><strong>Focus On Yourself And Your Children:</strong></a></p>
<p>It may seem impossible to not try to control your spouse's actions during a midlife crisis. You aren't doing your spouse or yourself any favor when you become obsessed with what they are doing or thinking. You have no control over what your spouse does or doesn't do. You do, however have complete control over what you do or don't do.</p>
<p>So, take my advice and focus on things that are within your control. If you are over-thinking your spouse's problems, you are filling your head with...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/a/surv_midlife.htm">post continued</a></p><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/28/how-to-survive-your-spouses-midlife-crisis.htm">How to Survive Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Sunday, February 28th, 2010 at 22:13:55.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/28/how-to-survive-your-spouses-midlife-crisis.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/28/how-to-survive-your-spouses-midlife-crisis.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/28/how-to-survive-your-spouses-midlife-crisis.htm&zItl=How to Survive Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis">Email this</a></p>
Benny Hinn to Divorce
<p>Benny Hinn a well-known televangelist has been served with divorce papers by his wife of 30 years, Suzanne. Papers were filed February 1, in Orange County Superior Court. The Hinns have been married for thirty years and have three daughters and one son.</p>
<p>According to his <a href="http://www.bennyhinn.org/aboutus/articledesc.cfm?id=1386" target="_parent">website</a>, Pastor Hinn is an advocate of the "Prosperity Gospel" in which supporters believe that faith works as a power of force. That through faith they can obtain anything they want...health, wealth and personal success. According to Pastor Hinn if a person expresses their faith by "sowing" a sufficient monetary seed into his ministry, the person will be granted divine healing and wealth.</p>
<p>Pastor Hinn has prospered, so much so that Senator Charles Grassly of Iowa, the ranking Republican on the Senate Finance Committee is investigating Hinn and five other televangelists for possible financial misconduct.</p>
<p>Could it be that Suzanne Hinn has decided to abandon ship before it sinks? Divorce now and get her share of Pastor Hinn's <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/propertydistribution/f/propertydistr.htm">assets</a> before the IRS is able to step in and stake a claim of their own.</p><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/23/benny-hinn-to-divorce.htm">Benny Hinn to Divorce</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010 at 19:21:19.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/23/benny-hinn-to-divorce.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/23/benny-hinn-to-divorce.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/23/benny-hinn-to-divorce.htm&zItl=Benny Hinn to Divorce">Email this</a></p>
Does the Bad Outweigh the Good in Your Marriage?
<p>Have you spent years investing time, effort and energy in your marriage? Is the only return you've gotten on your investment ambivalance? Does it seem that no matter what you do, the bad outweighs the good in your marriage?</p>
<p>It may sound cynical but you may need to make a list of pros and cons and decide whether your marriage is worth anymore investment from you. If there are a few good things about your marriage but they are overshadowed by negatives it is time to decide whether or not to let go and move on with your life.</p>
<p>I received an email from a woman whose marriage was a mess. She conveyed to me that her husband <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/qt/yelling_verbalabuse.htm">yelled and screamed</a> constantly. That she kept secrets from him out of fear of his reaction. She walked on eggshells and measured every word out of fear of his <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/f/verba_abuse.htm">verbal abuse</a>.</p>
<p>Add to that the drinking, cheating, controlling all the money and the fact that he was now verbally abusing their 15-year-old son and I had to wonder why this woman was choosing to stay instead of leave and protect herself and her son.</p>
<p>I'm fully aware that some women stay in a bad marriage for the financial security. It is not easy to leave if you don't know where you will go or how you will live. I also know that some men stay in bad marriages for the sake of their relationship with their children.</p>
<p>In other words, people stay stuck in a bad marriage due to fear of what will happen if they leave. None of us marry with the goal of living the rest of our lives in an unhappy marriage. Yet, many of us allow fear to keep us from taking the steps we need to to find happiness, either within our marriage or on our own.</p>
<p>So, I challenge you to sit down and make a list of pros and cons. Once that list is done if the cons outweigh the pros do something other than live with the idea that you are stuck. That may mean getting you and your spouse into intensive <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/canorshoulditbesaved/qt/marriagecounsel.htm">marital counseling</a>. If that doesn't work it may mean <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/c/ec/1.htm">filing for a divorce</a> and rebuilding and living a more fulfilling life.</p><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/22/does-the-bad-outweigh-the-good-in-your-marriage.htm">Does the Bad Outweigh the Good in Your Marriage?</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Monday, February 22nd, 2010 at 02:09:47.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/22/does-the-bad-outweigh-the-good-in-your-marriage.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/22/does-the-bad-outweigh-the-good-in-your-marriage.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/22/does-the-bad-outweigh-the-good-in-your-marriage.htm&zItl=Does the Bad Outweigh the Good in Your Marriage?">Email this</a></p>
Which is Right for You, Mediation or a Divorce Lawyer?
<p>From: <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/a/BelindaRBio.htm">Belinda Rachman</a></p>
<p>The choice of which divorce lawyer to hire is overwhelming. The sheer number of divorce lawyers in the phone book makes your head spin. You have heard the horror stories from your friends about how horrid and expensive their divorce was and you want to avoid that pain but which way should you turn?</p>
<p>This is a very natural response to what you have heard and seen. You have enough sense to know divorce lawyers are not your friends so you need to choose carefully. Your future and that of your children depend on how you proceed.</p>
<p>Having been a divorce lawyer since 1996 I will tell you the dirty inside secrets and warn you what to look out for. In California and maybe in your own state, divorce lawyers are the ONLY kind of lawyers whose fees are protected, by law, by the equity in their client's home. It is important to know how divorce lawyers in your state are paid and find that out before you begin.</p>
<p>Do they have the right to run up huge bills and then slap a lien on your home and force a sale at the end of the case? Over the years I have seen many, many lawyers do everything in their power to keep the case going so they could run up a bill because they knew they were going to get paid. People who advertise themselves as being "aggressive" are playing to your worst instincts. Doesn't everyone want the MOST they can get in their <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/propertydistribution/ht/divagreement.htm">divorce settlement</a>? If so, keep away from aggressive lawyers because</p>
<p>...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/f/Med_Lawyer.htm">post continued</a></p><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/18/which-is-right-for-you-mediation-or-a-divorce-lawyer.htm">Which is Right for You, Mediation or a Divorce Lawyer?</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Thursday, February 18th, 2010 at 23:00:59.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/18/which-is-right-for-you-mediation-or-a-divorce-lawyer.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/18/which-is-right-for-you-mediation-or-a-divorce-lawyer.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/18/which-is-right-for-you-mediation-or-a-divorce-lawyer.htm&zItl=Which is Right for You, Mediation or a Divorce Lawyer?">Email this</a></p>
Is Your Divorce Attorney Helping or Hindering the Process?
<p>Have you hired a divorce lawyer who is only making the conflict between you and your spouse worse? Are you are wondering how you can reduce the conflict and feel more in control of the situation?</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Don't Allow Your Anger to Influence Your Divorce Lawyer:</strong>
<p>Some divorce lawyers learn that the best way to protect their client is to fight for them and not in a way that promotes an end to conflict. Most divorce warfare is created by the divorce lawyer's adversarial nature and we, as clients, play a role in it because it is what we expect.</p>
<p>There are times we let anger win out over reason and this often happens in divorce situations. When dealing with your attorney table any anger you have over the divorce. Be reasonable instead of resentful and your attorney will follow your lead.</p></li>
<li><strong>Take a Collaborative Approach:</strong>
<p>Explain to your divorce lawyer that you wish to take a collaborative approach to the divorce process. Tell him/her that you want to try to come to a decision on the major issues with your spouse. Your divorce lawyer works for you and should be willing to follow your wishes. If you get resistance you should consider...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/ht/attorneyhowto.htm">post continued</a></p></li>
</ul><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/16/is-your-divorce-attorney-helping-or-hindering-the-process.htm">Is Your Divorce Attorney Helping or Hindering the Process?</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Tuesday, February 16th, 2010 at 23:00:42.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/16/is-your-divorce-attorney-helping-or-hindering-the-process.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/16/is-your-divorce-attorney-helping-or-hindering-the-process.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/16/is-your-divorce-attorney-helping-or-hindering-the-process.htm&zItl=Is Your Divorce Attorney Helping or Hindering the Process?">Email this</a></p>
How To To Keep Divorce Attorney Fees to a Minimum
<p>Finances often top the list of divorce worries, with divorce attorney fees being a major concern. Divorce attorneys usually charge an hourly rate figured in 15 minute increments, even if the service takes only a minute or two of his/her time. If you call every day, your monthly charge just for phone calls can total over $1,000.</p>
<p>If the process drags on for a year, you'll pay $12,000 and up just for those brief daily calls. Below are some tips that will help keep down expenses when it comes to legal fees charged by your divorce attorney.</p>
<p><strong>1. Get a written fee agreement.</strong></p>
<p>Most <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/hiringtherightattorney/tp/rightattorney.htm">divorce attorneys</a> charge by the hour and require a deposit at the beginning of their service. Fees are then charged against the retainer until it is depleted. When this happens the client becomes responsible for any extra charges incurred. It is imperative that you obtain a written fee agreement that outlines the exact financial terms of the representation. Without one you may find yourself forking out money for hidden expenses or your attorney's daily...<a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceattorneys/ht/attorney_fees.htm">post continued</a></p><p style="background:#f5f3ef;border: 1px solid #d5d0bf;clear:both;padding:.5em;"><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/15/how-to-to-keep-divorce-attorney-fees-to-a-minimum.htm">How To To Keep Divorce Attorney Fees to a Minimum</a> originally appeared on <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/">About.com Divorce Support</a> on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 23:00:17.</p><p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/15/how-to-to-keep-divorce-attorney-fees-to-a-minimum.htm">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/15/how-to-to-keep-divorce-attorney-fees-to-a-minimum.htm#gB3">Comment</a> | <a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/pages/shareurl.htm?PG=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/02/15/how-to-to-keep-divorce-attorney-fees-to-a-minimum.htm&zItl=How To To Keep Divorce Attorney Fees to a Minimum">Email this</a></p>
marriage no matter how unbelievable it may sound.
2.Get out of denial. Face the grim reality of your marriage ending. Face it, accept it and move on.
3.Do not waste too much time grieving non-stop. Set new goals, make a new beginning and start off.
4.Ditch negativity by letting go feelings of anger, resentment and guilt. They affect your physical health, your outlook and people around you.
5.Start afresh by trying to learn the lessons from your past, analyse your feelings, confront your demons and rejoice in the fact that you are in control of your own destiny.
6.Present a good example to your children by being strong, staying happy, thinking positively and being in control.
7.Create a strong support group of family and friends.
8.Take control of your finances.
9.Take time out for yourself. It is important for your physical and emotional well-being. Article Source: http://www.ArticleJoe.com James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie www.quickie-divorce.com“>Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com
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