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Why Divorce Isn’t A Good Idea
By James Walsh
After a divorce, these scenes intrude into your thoughts and replay themselves over and over again. Can you carry on normally, as if those pleasant memories had never existed? In solitude, you feel the beauty of it all and the heart yearns to relive them again. The pain of that love and joy will not go away. inflicts a lot of emotional pain on the couple. You cannot think of getting into another marriage or relationship, lest it hurts you again.
Divorce causes you to rethink – was it the right step or solution? It changes the pattern of your thoughts. You get more wary of people who attempt to get close to you. It makes you withdraw into your shell and makes the person, frequently turn inward, for analyzing people and those situations where you have to interact with the opposite gender.
A successful marriage needs love, commitment, understanding, companionship, and trust. A failed marriage becomes a symbol of the couple’s inability to maintain these ingredients. It is an unerring indication that either of the partners (or both), have accepted their miserable failure or their disinterest to work towards keeping the marriage alive and kicking. A feeling of guilt and helplessness, that one could not save his or her marriage permeates the air for some period, after the divorce. There is also the feeling that you can’t wear your status on your sleeve, just like you could previously wear your happily-married-mother-of-two label, on your forehead.
There is also anger during the and some embers of it remain, for a short duration. The act of forcefully dismembers the family, into opposing camps. Parents, in-laws and friends are forced to watch the curtain fall on the marriage, as mute spectators. Children, often bear the brunt of long term negative effects of a failed marriage. Their emotional balance is mercilessly tossed around and forced to take sides. Physical environments are re-arranged, due to physical relocation of the divorced partners, to the farthest corners in opposite directions, despite the many inconveniences.
Divorce can be financially rewarding for you (by way of getting maintenance or financial freedom) or it can be a dead weight on your financial resources as you may be the one having to pay for the maintenance. Where’s the money for financial freedom? But for your lawyer, it is an extremely lucrative win-win situation. Many a lawyer, exploit the situation to their advantage. Maintaining your living standards, to your accustomed levels (prior to the divorce), definitely would require an extra effort.
Earlier you had a shoulder to lean on or a sounding board for all your thoughts. Post divorce, you will have to go it alone, even if you have social support from parents and friends. The sense of loss and insecurity would be greatest, if the partners had been dependent on each other for their day to day activities.
The divorced go out and try to forge carefully chosen artificial relationships,
Comparing No-Fault Divorce Law and Contract Law
<p>I recently found myself debating a group of younger folks about the merits and negative aspects of <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/i/nofault_fault_2.htm">no-fault divorce law</a>. We were comparing the differences between today's <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/statedivorcelaw1/State_Divorce_Laws.htm">divorce laws</a> and <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://biztaxlaw.about.com/od/resolvingbusinessdisputes/a/bizcontracts.htm">contract law</a>. I was the only debate participant who had been married and through the divorce process.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/27/comparing-no-fault-divorce-law-and-contract-law.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
What is a Prenuptial Agreement?
<p>A <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://beginnersinvest.about.com/od/investing101/ss/womeninvesting_6.htm">prenuptial agreement</a> is a legally bind contract created by two people before they marry. In the prenuptial agreement the couple addresses such issues as the property bought into the marriage by each person and what the property rights of each will be should they divorce.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/26/what-is-a-prenuptial-agreement.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Mel Gibson: Love, Misery and Midlife Crisis
<p>We've learned a lot about Mel Gibson over the last week. It would seem he's a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, and an anti-Semite with quite the oral fixation. From where I sit it would seem that Mel is also on the down-side of one hell of a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/midlifecrisis.htm">Midlife Crisis</a>.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/18/mel-gibson-love-misery-and-midlife-crisis.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
The Blended Family: Who Will Be Responsible For Discipline?
<p>As parents in a blended family the most important issue you will face is how your children will be disciplined. <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/tp/discipline.htm"> Child discipline</a> in the blended family is something you should discuss and set rules about before marrying.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/15/the-blended-family-who-will-be-responsible-for-discipline.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Building Stong Bonds In The Blended Family
<p>The new blended family faces many challenges in the beginning. Blending two families and building strong familial bonds requires a lot of effort on the part of all involved. In the beginning, the family members have no shared family history or shared ways of doing things. This can be especially hard for children who are trying to adjust to a new stepmother and stepbrothers or sisters.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/14/building-stong-bonds-in-the-blended-family.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
How to Keep the Wicked out of Stepparenting
<p>If you <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://marriage.about.com/cs/secondtimearound/qt/remarriagetips.htm">remarry</a> someone with children, you of course want the transition into the new relationship and marriage to be easy. Below are a few tips to help you transition into a <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://workingmoms.about.com/od/nontraditionalfamilies/p/stepfatherfacts.htm">blended family</a>. Read them and commit yourself to using them in your new blended family.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/13/how-to-keep-the-wicked-out-of-stepparenting.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Why do 66% of Second Marriages Fail?
<p>According to the Academy of Matrimonial Attorneys at least 66% of second marriages fail. The reasons? People don't deal with and heal personal issues that played a role in the demise of their first marriage before remarrying. And, the pressure of raising stepchildren causes more conflict than the marriage can handle.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/12/why-do-66-of-second-marriages-fail.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Post Divorce Sex: Don't Forget to Play it Safe!
<p>So you're planning to go out on a date- how exciting! Whether it's with someone new or someone you've already seen a few times, your adrenaline is probably pumping; <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/ht/datingadvice.htm"> dating and sex after divorce</a> can nerve-wracking!</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/09/post-divorce-sex-dont-forget-to-play-it-safe.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Casual Sex: Tempting or Taboo?
<p>Let's cut to the chase: all of us divorced adults have had sex and most of us still want sex. The problem is that we may not want the 'strings' of a full-on relationship; we just aren't ready. And, as much as <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://sexuality.about.com/od/masturbation/p/masturbation.htm">masturbation</a> gives our bodies something to 'snack on,' we know what we really want is the Full-Meal Deal.</p>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/08/casual-sex-tempting-or-taboo.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
Transitional Relationships: Will You Rebound?
<div><p>A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound <a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/romanceafterdivorce/f/newrelationship.htm">relationship</a> before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a "rebound relationship."</p></div>...<p><a href="http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2010/07/07/transitional-relationships-will-you-rebound.htm">Read Full Post</a></p>
just for companionship. However these are also short lived, unless second time lucky. For some, the prospect of living alone, can take a toll on their physical and mental health. Post divorce, behavioural changes are very common. Even questions from strangers, regarding family life, force the divorced person to rethink his / her role. (“I am a happily married family man” as a pre-divorce statement would have to be carefully reworded to reflect the change in role, under the changed circumstances, after the divorce). Despite the concerned partners managing to initiate a relationship with a new individual, there is a constant comparison of the new relationship and the new person with the merits and demerits of the former relationship.
Time heals wounds but the wounds of cannot be healed with time, simply because the partners themselves have willingly inflicted this deep wound on themselves and the ingredients for the healing balm are missing or the partners are not willing to let go of the past and the pain. Life could certainly come to a standstill after if a couple aren’t determined to being their lives back on course. Article Source: Article Beam - a service of A1 Web Server Web Hosting James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com
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